The Christian Letter, Volume One: Chapter 45
“Do not adulterate.” (Exodus 20:14).
Currently, around 75% of spouses are unfaithful, more than 50% of marriages end in divorce, and exactly 100% of us are hurt because of it. What is adultery? We all know of the extreme, that adultery is having sexual relations with someone you are not married to; the Messiah, however, showed us the Torah is a matter of heart:
“You heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone looking at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. And if your right eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it away from you. For it is better for you that one of your members perish, than for your entire body to be thrown into Gehenna. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away from you. For it is better for you that one of your members perish, than for your entire body to be thrown into Gehenna.” (Matthew 5:27-30). (Please read this entire chapter.)
Is taking this Commandment as serious as the Messiah does … legalism? Some would say that it is. Yahoshuah spoke on the Ten Words, the Ten Commandments, so do we call Him a legalist? No! According to the Messiah, the keeping of His Law is not legalism. He calls it love. Many people are too concerned about being a legalist, and not concerned enough about being an illegalist by ignoring the Commandments of Yahoweh! To follow Him produces the fruit of the Spirit in abundance, such as a peaceful heart and a joyful marriage. But remember it always: The Spirit of Torah cannot go against the Letter of Torah, nor add anything to Torah (Matthew 5:17-20), but only bring clearer understanding.
Many claim, after hearing the above passage, “Should we who struggle with lust actually cut out our eyes?” To an Israelite, a bad eye means a greedy heart, and, to Americans, if we say, “You better cut that out.” or, “Knock that off.” we do not mean that one should literally take something off. Adultery is synonyms with contaminate, taint, to make impure, spoil, pollute, infect, or ruin, and is indeed a horrible greed unfitting a servant of Yahoweh; therefore, if browsing the Internet, or a certain store, tempts your lusts, then it’s better to cut it out than be trapped by it! We, as believers, need to watch our steps and be careful with our hearts and eyes. To look at a beautiful woman is not a sin, it is what you do with the beauty. Do you pervert it by taking it, or is the beauty like that of a stream or grove of trees? We must heed the Word enough to cut our eyes away from the sin of adultery—to turn away from sin by first fearing Yahoweh!
If we lust after someone long enough, we eventually yearn to feed our lusts even further. At first a girl walking by, and then models, and then nudes, and then pornography, and, with each step, the way the woman dresses, or acts, becomes viler. This leads to men wanting sexually immoral and deviant partners, and, for some, it means resorting to the violence of rape.
Adultery is not only having sex with another in the flesh, as this sin is also in the mental rape men commit within their heart (they often call them: fantasies) where their unwilling and unknowing victim actually desires adultery from them. Adultery is a sexual crime against your spouse, or future spouse, and the woman who is taken, as well as your children and many families. But willing or not changes not the Word. Adultery is sin.
The commandment states, “Do not adulterate.” When Yahoshuah said that lusting after a woman was as immoral as actually committing adultery with her, He didn’t raise the bar, He merely showed how high the bar really is. Lusting can lead to fornication / adultery. Even the path to evil is sinful. Do not grace it with your footsteps.
Many of those who cheat on their spouses will still claim to love them, so why does adultery ever occur, and what can be done to help prevent it? It is strange, how at one moment, when we have a wonderful wife, that we lust and adulterate with another; yet, when our wife passes away, or leaves us because of our sin—we would do anything to solve the problem. Maybe that is where we need to start.
Prevention is the best cure, medicine, and religious practice available to us. It is easier to never start drinking whiskey, gambling, eating flesh, flirting, cussing, or fantasying sexually about random people, than it is to stop. It is easier to keep a relationship strong than it is to recover it—or form another one!
What preventive measures can you take? Much like there are a handful of things you can do to seriously reduce your chance of getting cancer, there are also things you can do to reduce the risk of adultery. To reduce the risk of caner: Stop smoking, eating animal byproducts, drinking liquors, and avoid all chemicals found in detergents, perfumes, poisons, and the likes. At the same time, eat a healthy diet filled with fruit, vegetables, nuts, grains, and seeds. To reduce the risk of adultery: Stop thinking on the bad, viewing pornography, listening to the false doctrines of others and whisperings that there is no harm in it, and avoiding toxic friends, people, and places, who forge your character with their rusty iron. At the same time, allow your mind to think on good things, work step by step on problems, but work harder on doing new and wonderful things together like hugging, praying, and having picnics where everything could go wrong, and it would still be a great day.
Overkill in sensual desire can lead to under-kill elsewhere in marriage. Spending time with the partner whom Yahoweh has blessed you with is indeed a great joy. Sure, this includes sensual things every day, but it also includes drawing together, bicycling together, laughing together, and studying together. Make a point to occasionally ask your spouse if there is anything that you are not fulfilling. Be honest with each other, and persist in your spouse’s honesty. They may say there isn’t as much cuddling on the couch as they would like (need). It may be offensive to you, but it shouldn’t be. Whatever it is, so long as it not against Scripture, be utterly happy about finding it out. You now have an opportunity to show more love to your wife or husband. If you don’t, then an affair could happen. It shouldn’t! But it could. And not all affairs are sexual; in fact, the vast majority of them are emotional, just as the Messiah warned us about.
Most often people are hungry for something other than what they are taking. If someone is hungry, he may reach for cake, but he should have bread instead. The same is true with adultery. A man may simply need more people in his life that are not afraid to put their arm around him, stand close, or give him a hug. It is possible that if men and women had a larger friendship base, and ample love, the flirting girl might not even be noticed, but, to a hungry man, any bitter thing looks sweet.
Even so, men and women of all kinds, from ministers to drunkards, from introverts to extroverts, old and young, happy and miserable alike, no one is immune to this sin. The same can be seen in all temptations and overt indulgences. Nothing tastes as good as being healthy, yet gluttony runs rampant, and organic pure juice tastes better, and is cheaper, than any wine, high end or not. Temptations do not just pull in the willing … they pull in the unwilling.
Far too many fear spiritual warfare, but not spiritual repression. All men, and all women, will look at other people and think they are attractive. Repressing this, leads to a build up, which leads to an explosion. A husband and wife, from the very beginning, should feel comfortable, and never be chastised, for admitting that he or she finds someone else pretty, or even desirable. If you do not admit—you are lying, and if you lie about this, then just how easy will it be to lie about anything else?
It stands to reason that a gardener might have all the watermelon in the world, and still covet an apple. It is not always issues of supply at home, but simply a hunger for something different, and, in this case, something that isn’t yours. An effort to provide maintenance to the appetite of contentment is honesty with your King, your spouse, and yourself, and should always be based upon the past, present, and possible futures.
In the movies, when we see a person cheat on their spouse, it is often with a good-looking woman or man. This is not always the case. Now granted, even if you do not look good, you should strive to look your best, not with cologne, makeup, or fancy clothes, but with vibrant health and radiant happiness. Even if the best you can do is on par with a buzzard, like myself, if it is your best, then squawk with me, “Praise Yahoweh!” We should not spend so much time on ourselves we become an idol, but too many people today just let themselves go to the point where their love life, even their ministry, is greatly hampered. Yet, I have seen people commit adultery, even when their spouse was indeed good looking, with women who were of the buzzard variety, so that is not all there is to it by any means.
Men enjoy the thrill of victory; not so much the hunt as it is called, but winning. This is one of the pragmatic things that lead us men astray. We also yearn for someone fun to want, even need, us. Therefore, when a pretty lady needs a man to help her—I’ll beat you to it! If that girl flirts because of it, well, that is when the hunter becomes the hunted. It is no longer dinner for two.
Allow me to share a typical case leading to adultery. Mike loves his wife, Suzy. They have a great house, family, dog, and all that other stuff. Mike, however, works. In my opinion, Mike works too much, but he has to, not to keep up with his neighbors the Joneses, but to keep up with Suzy … and his own big spending, as opposed to contentment. Mike works everyday for twelve hours a day. One day, Sally, a spunky young girl who is cute and witty, is hired on at the same job. Mike really likes Sally, but he really loves Suzy.
All day at work, Mike and Sally laugh and tell jokes about work and life. They find all their common interests and converse as often as the boss isn’t around. Yet, when Mike gets home, a paradox occurs. Suzy, his wife, does not know about all the banter and jokes and work related themes that have transpired all day. She doesn’t understand why IRVR642, which you call “stupid AR,” is hilarious, or why saying, “Toast.” is a big no-no. Mike enjoyed his day, but at the same time does not want to rehash it. Nor does he have enough time with Suzy to make their own day special.
At first, it is no big deal, but, after awhile, Mike trades time with Suzy to get or learn something for Sally. A year passes and nothing much, five years pass, and the husband and wife know little of one another and fight often, while Sally and Mike are tainted lovers. Not sexually, though. Mike, unlike some, remained chaste, but only physically. Suzy, however, found a new friend and sexual lover with a waiter at a small cafeteria. It was where she went when loneliness took her, and talking to something other than a phone became a requirement of basic humanity.
Now don’t get me wrong, just because your husband works or takes overtime does not mean he is cheating on you, or that while you are away your wife is out looking for another man. I only mean to address a few simple underestimated truths. Affairs are not always sexual, but could always become that. One should seek to spend more time with, than apart, the one they chose to love enough to marry, even if that means living without a new boat, car, camera, or a huge entertainment center. (Praise Yahoweh, my wife and I are both struggling self-employed lovers who have just enough time apart to have something we want to share with the other.) Chiefly, conversation is an inhibitor of future affairs, and mutual prayer is the devil’s scheme wrecker.
Let us consider another case: A husband slips out to play a game while his wife is away. Innocently he sits down to take a break. A beauty of a woman charms him unintentionally. She is young and vibrant. Healthfully fit. Her shirt a bit low, and her interest in his desire an unfounded delight. They share a dessert and talk nonsense. Time to be home is put off, but finally he leaves and goes back to his scolding wife. He lies in bed wishing rather to caress a fit girl who smiles. At first friends, but soon touching is not restrained. He finds his passion, and aroused from dormancy it became a wellspring. He takes her to a room and makes what breaks love. … Adultery. His wife swiftly finds out, and, in the end, all the love and fun he thought he was having becomes a shame too unbearable for his wife and family and town, and … words.
Another case: A wife pops off one afternoon to do some laundry when the washing machine breaks down. At the laundry mat, she realizes she has forgotten her money. A charming fellow was charmed by her controlled frustration, and so insisted on paying. Her husband would not even help with the door, and so she was taken aback. Back to childhood days, when she swore the wooing from her love would never end. This new man listens to her, and assures her. The two exchange schedules, and make a habit of paying for each other. He puts his arm around her, and touches her playfully. She is embarrassed, and would rather he didn’t, or did, or perhaps a little less, or a little more. She becomes confused in her love and her chores and one day her husband, who had a new washing machine installed a month ago, followers her to the laundry mat. He slips away unnoticed, never telling her the heart tearing pain he saw, and though she stopped seeing the alleged gentleman who turned into a dirty old man, it hurt them in the silence often caused by adultery. For though she never offered her wares fully, a nibble of poison kills inasmuch as a whole meal.
A husband slips out, and a wife pops off, forgetting the blue ring of remembrance, the tzitzit. They forget their true Love and caress another. He polishes the car outside, and forgets his heart. She gossips whether she knows the truth or not, and forgets her heart. Little flirts here and there are seen as harmless and leisure. Little piled slowly becomes a wobbly tower swiftly, and it soon falls upon them, causing them to forget their One True Love.
Stay in the world, and you will be consumed by that which you consume. Take our Saviour’s Hand and run from sin, and you will be seen by the angels … and devils, too. Let us sheep, therefore, lovingly follow, not the slaughterer, but our Precious Saviour: the Shepherd Yahoshuah.
Yet, all I have presented are hypothetical affairs, and they do not allow the true pain or the whole picture. And so we look to the accounting of David. “And it came to be, at evening time, that Dawid rose up from his bed and walked about on the roof of the sovereign’s house. And from the roof he saw a woman bathing, and the woman was very good to look at. And Dawid sent and asked about the woman, and one said, ‘Is this not Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliyam, the wife of Uriyah the Hittite?’ And Dawid sent messengers, to fetch her. And she came to him, and he lay with her—for she was cleansing herself from her uncleanness—and she returned to her house. And the woman conceived, and sent and informed Dawid, and said, ‘I am pregnant.’” (2 Samuel 11:2-5).
Side note: Bathsheba was just now pregnant. David did not abort the child. (Abortion tinctures and procedures were available.) Also, as many report, this was not a rape. There is no indication anywhere that she was against the idea. Any concept that this was rape has no actual foundation apart from meager speculation. Did she still love her husband? Most who commit adultery still have love in their hearts for their spouse. Sin is that twisted.
David saw a woman who was very pleasing to the eyes, and while this woman was Jewish and living in accordance to some laws, she did not live in accordance to all laws, and so lay with David who called for her. A man whose heart was after Yahoweh, still sinned. Either sin must be repented of to remove its grip, or more sin will try to cover it up. The blood of Messiah removes the mark of sin and leaves a man whole, or sin will bring its payment due: Death. … But due unto whom?
“Then Dawid sent to Yoab, ‘Send Uriyah the Hittite to me.’ And Yoab sent Uriyah to Dawid. And Uriyah came to him, and Dawid asked how Yoab was doing, and how the people were doing, and how the fighting was going. And Dawid said to Uriyah, ‘Go down to your house and wash your feet.’ And Uriyah went out from the sovereign’s house, and a gift from the sovereign followed him. But Uriyah lay down at the door of the sovereign’s house with all the servants of his master, and did not go down to his house. And they informed Dawid, saying, ‘Uriyah did not go down to his house,’ So Dawid said to Uriyah, ‘Did you not come from a journey? Why did you not go down to your house?’ And Uriyah said to Dawid, ‘The ark and Israel and Judah are dwelling in booths, and my master Yoab and the servants of my master are encamped in the open fields. And I, should I go to my house to eat and to drink, and to lie with my wife? As you live, and as your being lives, let me not do this.’ And Dawid said to Uriyah, ‘Remain here today also, and tomorrow I let you go.’ So Uriyah remained in Yerushalayim, that day and the next. And Dawid called him, and he ate and drank before him, and he made him drunk. And at evening he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his master, but he did not go down to his house.” (2 Samuel 11:6-13).
UriYah’s heart was on Yahoweh, and longed to fight the battle freedom sometimes requires. He loved His Elohim above even his wife. Few men can claim this, and not be blatant liars. David tried to trick UriYah into lying with his wife so that the adultery would be covered up. But hiding does not cover sin. In the eyes of men? Perhaps sometimes in some men, but never in the eyes of the doer. In the eyes of Yahoweh? Not even for a time. Yet, sin has an unworkable work. If one sin does not work, as none can, then to try another is its rotten plan. David tries apart from El once more.
“And it came to be in the morning that Dawid wrote a letter to Yoab and sent it by the hand of Uriyah. And he wrote in the letter, saying, ‘Set Uriyah in the front of the heaviest battle, and you shall turn away from him, and he shall be smitten and shall die.’ And it came to be, as Yoab watched the city, that he appointed Uriyah to the place where he knew there were brave men. And the men of the city came out and fought with Yoab. And some of the people of the servants of Dawid fell. And Uriyah the Hittite also died. And Yoab sent and reported to Dawid all the events of the battle, and commanded the messenger, saying, ‘When you have finished reporting all the events of the battle to the sovereign, then it shall be, if the sovereign’s wrath rises and he says to you, “Why did you go so near to the city when you fought? Did you not know that they would shoot from the wall? Who smote Abimelech the son of Jerubbesheth? Was it not a woman who threw an upper millstone on him from the wall, so that he died in Thebez? Why did you go near the wall?” Then you shall say, “Your servant UriYah the Hittite is also dead.”’” (2 Samuel 11:14-21).
UriYah, one of David’s mighty men, fought alongside the brave men, bravely, never knowing he brought to Yoab his own death order. Yet, by order of adultery, murder came. UriYah … died. And it was all David heard, needing no further council. Now, sin claims, “No one will know.”
“And the wife of Uriyah heard that Uriyah her husband was dead, and she lamented for her husband. And when her mourning was over, Dawid sent and brought her to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the deed that Dawid had done was evil in the eyes of Yahoweh.” (2 Samuel 11:26-27).
“ … No one.” the echo of sin whispers. Yet, the deed David had done was evil in the eyes of Yahoweh. My heart cries for David and for Bathsheba. Did she not weep, as much or more than David? … Yet, we all have the same weakness. Hungry for what is not ours, and thirsting for a way to have it. Sin whispers, “No One will find out.” The deep seeded sin yearns for things not ours, from women to festival, from men to idols; therefore, our yearning for His Torah must be stronger than we allow sin to be. David was given the Psalms, was a mighty man, mentally, physically, and spiritually, and yet still he faced battles he failed in. It is a fight we all face, but it is never an act of cowardice to spiritually retreat, for, when we do, we stand by the strongest of all: The Messiah. When we repent, battles failed will not equate the war being lost.
In chapter 12 we see Yahoweh knew, and thus informed His prophet Nathan. David did not die for this sin that requires death. Alas … his son did. More pain and more pain was the result of his sin, even more than written in the pages of Samuel. For what of the others who died in battle because of it? What of their families? What of the children who did nothing yet still suffered greatly because of David’s sin? … Adultery is such a sin. Sin’s punishment is death. But it never says just how much death.
Adultery takes a heavy toll. Children, wives, and neighbors, and even entire nations must chip in to pay the payment due. However, as David did, I urge all to do: Whether your adultery was lusting or lying with another, there is only one way that isn’t a downward spiral for more than one: turn in repentance. There are punishments, death, suffering, sackcloth and ash, and there is a long road of ahead. Yet, you can rebuild. Through the Messiah, you can rebuild. You can praise Him.
The Messiah said that adultery is looking at a woman lustfully. I have heard many atheists make fun of this statement, but David knew the truth. Let us learn from him, lest we learn the hard way and it cost us just as much or more.
Often men daydream about committing adultery with women, but they never stop to call it that. I encourage you to dream again, to dream further, to dream the following: Your wife walks in, and is crushed to tears. Your children lose faith in you, and grow up to perform the identical crime. Your church looks at you, and then looks away. Your neighbors, best friends, even your mother, can no longer have the same, if any, friendship with you ever again. Your work is no longer yours, and the house you had viewed yourself in for so long becomes another home for sale. Your allegedly romantic fling not only resulted in a child and bills two jobs could not pay for, but also an illness that will claim your life. Walking out of the hospital, you see a friend who you have not seen in some time, and so he asks, “How’s everything going?”
Romantic? Fantasy? Sexual excitement? … I think not. Even if sin whispers that you could get away with it … envision it eating at you for the rest of your life. Therefore, the next time you see a woman dressed to kill, take a moment and remember that she really is dressed to kill. Pray for forgiveness, pray for her, and pray for her victims. And next time, dream of reality rather than dreaming of a dead fantasy. Yearn for life long love, not life long despair.
Allow me now an oddity; to offer a quotation from a book I have not yet published or finished. While I plan to release it as my fifth, I feel it needs to also be placed here in my first:
“And it has been said, ‘Whoever puts away his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that whoever puts away his wife, except for the matter of whoring, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a woman who has been put away commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:31-31).
What we have here is a verse often wrestled with, as, at first glance, it can be misunderstood, or at least misrepresented. After all, it has gone from Hebrew, to Greek, to Latin, to old English, to new English, and then translated again when read by opposing genders.
After considering many translations, the Greek and the Hebrew copies, and also each time the Messiah speaks on this, such as Luke 16:18, Mark 10:2-12, Matthew 19:8-12, and Deuteronomy 24:1-5, striving by His Spirit to not read between the lines, or with gender in mind, but to plainly understand what is being said, then this, to the best of my ability, is what is being conveyed in verse 32. (Read those other passages, and pray first, please):
“I, therefore, say to you that anyone who leaves his wife is to give her a bill of divorce. And I say to you that anyone who divorces his wife commits adultery against her, unless he divorces her due to her adultery; therefore, whoever marries one who is justifiably divorced commits adultery with her, and whoever marries one who is unjustifiably divorced commits adultery with her, but the sin belongs to her former husband. Likewise, if a woman puts away her husband, unless it is because he has committed adultery, she is the adulterator.”
In other words, if John Doe puts away his wife, Jane, for any reason other than adultery, then, according to the Scriptures, they are still married. Since they are still married, John Doe is now forcing her to commit adultery, along with whomever she marries. In doing this, John has made her do this, and, thereby, John is the bearer of sin. If Jane Doe committed adultery, causing John to divorce her, then she is the one who committed adultery, and whomever she marries commits adultery with her, as he is not her true husband, while John remains innocent. Regardless, the Messiah is showing us again that divorce can only take place if there is adultery. Until these two things have been done: adultery, and a certificate of divorce placed in her hand as she leaves his house, then they are still married.
Unless we consider Deuteronomy 24:1-5, of which the Messiah is referencing through quotation, then this passage can be misread. We must have an understanding of Torah or we can misread the Gospels, just as the Torah can be misread without the gift of the Holy Spirit. A man ought never put away his wife save for a matter of her whoring, that of before, or that of during their marriage! In other words: Divorce should be rare.
Again: If on the wedding night (not ten years later when the man gets tired of her) the man and wife lie down together, and he finds that she has been with another man, then this woman is adulterous. He can, though he does not have to, divorce her. She should have foremost not been with a man before her wedding, but in the case of things not her own fault, such as rape, or mistakes she made in choices of sex, then she must let her suitor know long before things get serious, let alone the wedding night. The same can be said of the man.
Yet, I submit to you, considering the verses before Matthew 5:31-32, where to even lust in our heart is adulterous, then who among us is without sin, and who amongst us is as loving as Yahoweh? … Hosea knows how it feels to have us as a bride. Let us, though our sins be many, ask for, and believe in, forgiveness, and then go and sin no more, so that we may be pure and holy for His Name’s sake.
The Messiah’s message does not sound like a normal sermon, though, does it? It is for the same reason you do not hear sermons on gluttony. The minister knows he would lose half of his congregation if he spoke on these things, just as a farmer would lose some weight from his crop if he allowed the Wind to blow away the chaff.
…
If one of you has committed adultery, then, divorce is an option; however, it is not required. Too many people forget that. What is your marriage worth? Your children? Your name? Your love for one another? Yes, there was a mistake, and a really big one, yet can you salvage what has been ordained? If you give your all to rebuild the marriage, and are not able to, then at least you gave your all and not just a try. The first step is honesty. This cannot come overnight, especially now. No. You must make this occur by talking, and by seeing a fellow brother and sister who is eager to help you, but most of all: spend time in prayer and the Bible, like Hosea and Ephesians. Lots of time. Many hours a day. If you don’t have the time, then make the time by canceling your TV, the games, and even work. Nothing should be more important. However! Do your best to do all these things first! Never let your partner drift away. Be more in love today than yesterday, everyday, and forever. Love is not just a warm feeling, but strength from weaving together all the principles of spirituality, friendship, and sexuality, into the relationship of two becoming one.
“He who commits adultery with a woman lacks heart; he who does it destroys his own life.” (Proverbs 6:32).
Married couples by the thousands sue for divorce every day, and the nation is being destroyed as a result. Yes, in essence, many of the UriYah’s and sons of David are dying because of it. This kind of conduct does not express the kind of loyalty and devotion Yahoweh shows towards His people.Those who refuse to pay heed to the Bible’s teaching on marriage will have much for which to answer. What will we hear on the Day of Yahoweh? “Should I divorce you for your adultery against Me? Did you not read Hosea, Malachi 2:13-16,Matthew 19:4-12, or 1 Corinthians 6 and 7? Did you not see the pain in your children’s eyes? Did you not pray to Me?”
Alas, there is much more I need to say upon this—so much more. If Yahoweh permits, I shall send you Letters already written concerning dating, marriage, divorce, sexual bewilderments, and sins, such as pornography, that try to destroy the ordnances of Yahoweh, in another collection of Letters. Until then, this is my sermon: Prevention.
Be Blessed and be a Blessing
Shalom
-Valentine Thalken Billingsley
If this blessed you, please share it.
Additional Scripture References:
Matthew 19:18, Mark 10:11-12, Romans 2:22, Ephesians 5:19, Leviticus 20:10, Romans 13:8-9, 1 John 3:23-24, Proverbs 7:7-23
